No Lo Dudes

Today was exactly two months since my father died. Last night I had a dream about my father-finally. I say "finally" because my dreams have been empty of any sign of him since his death.  Yet not one day has gone by where I haven't thought of him. 

As I was waking I felt his image fade away and his words becoming faint in my memory. Realizing he had just spoken to me, I grasped at the end of my dream to remember his words.  I could only recall the last three, "No lo dudes." 

No lo dudes. The words have been echoing in my aching heart all day. Do not doubt it. And yet, that's what I have been doing since he died. I've been doubting my father's current happiness, doubting God's goodness, doubting eternity and even doubting heaven. In my head I know that heaven is real, but his sudden and absolute absence shocked me and made me disconsolate. In the recesses of my heart I whispered, "Where are you, right now, at this very moment? Can you hear me?" Only silence ever followed.

I have been sad and pensive, ambling along like a sleep-walker with a bruised soul. "Do you see me?  Do I make you proud?"

Last night he answered me. I captured only the end of the message but it was spoken with solemn authority- a message I would not have conjured from my own imagination. It was a message from heaven. "No lo dudes".  Do not doubt it. 

No lo dudes.  Okay, Papi, I won't anymore.